I think I have not really purposefully go out of my way to make friends before until few years back. I don’t really see the need anyway, until I felt lonely and panicked, and I realized something had been wrong.
Social isolation and its effects made me more social and made me realize that I need to make friends. In the past, I even purposefully avoid meeting friends because I was not the type who make friends. Now, I realized making friends is important and even necessary for your health.
Fortunately, I did make some friends, but I deteriorated, and went back to my social isolation. Its hard to go from social isolation to a person with many friends. But what did help me is:
- I read this book about shame by Brené Brown, on how to be vulnerable.
- Another book about feeling fear and do it anyway.
I now realized what would not work e.g. “shotgun” networking – going to event but not forming any good relationships, I somehow think friendship will magically form, and I don’t blame myself for it, because I don’t really know how or even aware I want to make friends, but its a good attempt.
I think my motivation is based on fear, some people make friends because of greed (wanting to be popular), some just like to be around people. But I did make some friends based on my passion on computer science. I had something to offer them by teaching them. I don’t do it purposefully to get friends, but I had this idea of giving values to the world, but it somehow got me friends, so its a plus.
Here’s some negative beliefs I held that I think bring me down:
- Not prioritizing friendship e.g. go out for activities, or purposefully make activities.
- Too busy with solitary pursuit due to being too passionate, nothing wrong with this, but don’t make it 100% of your life, make it 80% is enough.