What made me social?

I has not been the most social guy, or even decently social. I was anti social many times, not going out with friends, etc.

However, things happen in the last few years that changed me for the better. The first is the breakup with my girlfriend. I think my bad attitude and my unwillingness to socialise with friends and her families lead to the breakup. After the breakup, I still do not know how to socialize.

Until the October last year, after having been dropped out of many universities, I enrolled in UNITEN. I had very anxious nights and read many books about anxiety to calm myself down. I am somehow very worried about the orientation and university life. I read Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social ConnectionMan’s Search For MeaningOvercoming Social Anxiety and Shyness: A Self-Help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques, and etc. I felt very lonely, my fight and flight response kicked in, and everyday before the orientation, I felt anxious. At one point, my loneliness fell so deep, I feel that no one of my friends will help me even if I died, I have no one to find to help me. At that point, my survival instinct kicked in, I became more social from there on.

When thinking back on that night, I will be social again, nothing compares to the suffering of loneliness, I will face awkwardness, meet strangers just to avoid loneliness.


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