Today, I went to clinic before going to work. My dad fetch me to Chinese Maternity Hospital and I waited for my turn. I waited for a long time, around 6 people before me. Today’s session is the best, among the 3 that I have with Dr. Vincent.
I went in, and Dr Vincent greeted me. He asked how was I, I said I have quitted UNITEN, and is now working at a game programming job. I said I am calmer, maybe because of the medicine.
He asked me whether I have distrust for others, like thinking that other people are trying to harm me or have bad intention, I said no, he said that I looked very suspicious of others, like distrust, like other people are spying at me.
I said I felt self conscious sitting beside my coworker, and he said that this is normal.I said is my anxiety normal, he said no, the self conscious/ awkward beside coworker is normal, but my anxiety is not normal.
He says that when we were kids, people may say bad things about us, and that is bad, but we are now adult, people can say whatever they want, we can choose to accept or not. Acceptance does not come from outside, but come from inside. I am my own enemy, because I don’t accept myself. Sometimes, I think I have messy hair or underdressed, why should I care what others think? I have a need to seek approval. Also, he says that my opinion of what others think is not reliable. He also says that from this interaction, he sees that I am better now.
After talking and talking, he says I have a want to seek approval and a want to be perfect. To be perfect, we only need to be 80% to be good enough. I have to have self approval, saying I am ok eventhough I make mistakes, I learn from it. I am good enough. He also introduced How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. He says he will email me when he found new books.
He says my dad phoned him and asked about me. And about the insisting of buying car incident, but he did not tell my dad about my condition because of confidentiality. I said he can meet my dad and my dad met him alone.
The visit costs RM 400+!!!! Luckily my dad has medical benefit of RM1000 per month. I will see him in 3 weeks again. For the next visit, I will go to nearer clinic, but same psychiatrist, he rotates between two clinics.
Today’s accomplishment: Ate with Json Chen, he opens own company, walk around One Mont Kiara with him, Borders shop. Learn a lot from Justin Ng.