I have rested at home for one week without doing anything besides listening music and research on my anxiety. Today, around 11am, I went to see Dr. Vincent again.
He read my notes on my phone, the notes are little thoughts that I have:
Feel like want to escape, when escaped feel free – during weekend or skip class – may be that means I don’t have to care what they think of meFeel underdressed when seeing others Feel like a kidHousemate freely expressOne friend accompanied me, keep sweating when walking and speak only few words, he say I don’t seem to have social anxiety.Came for wed class but went home in the afternoon No friends to talk to, no info, no idea how to get a round, got idea about assignmentHave big ambition, join debate, organize talk etc, but feel like extro betterProcrastinate to reply email or pick up with phoneDidn’t go for two jobsHappy I have 4 days offWorry about what to wearI can give public speaking with script during spm prize, didn’t give eye contactBody image – gym, hairstyleUse humor? Different outlook in lifeWhy social anxiety now, last time noDress, socialize, body image betterResult 12as, 3.75cgpaChildhood hide behind teacher Feeling like a kidCold hands – church fellowship or nervousGame developer jobUSM – ai2years at home, didn’t even go downstairs to buy foodNo exerciseMaybe I don’t need psychiatrist but psychologist , no need drugs because maybe its because I lack material thingsNo friends everything seems harder
I don’t really talk to church mate
Feel like wanting to be better than everyone to feel good
Maybe I’m spoilt
Mum do housework – wash floor, clothes
Friends sis NTU birthday prank many friends happy and fun video at Facebook – feel depressed
Listen music whole week – hope can go concert
Read pastor book, moodgym, lots of anxiety website, fb friend
Last Sunday already reluctant to go back hostel
When get closer to friend, scare loose it, must be perfect – friend – reach this stage duno how to advance – phone to ask what happen
Mc write shaun
Should I see psychologist instead
12a 3.75 see friends become leaders – dissapointed
He says what is “extro”, I replied extrovert, he said extrovert not necessary better. He also saw “USM suicide”, he asks if I have suicide tendency, I said yes.
He asked how was my moodgym, I replied that I did until the “unwarped” section and I really liked the list of biased thinking. He seems delighted. He also asked me to print out the moodgym workbook next time I visit.
I said I wanted to quit UNITEN, he says I have to treat my health first, and take 2 weeks to decide. He says I tend to sometimes be impulsive, and sometimes be too analytical and indecisive, must strive a balance. He asks me is there really nothing good about UNITEN?
He says I have to work on my anxiety by trying things? I says I can go Saturday fellowship and Sunday worship, he seems delighted again and says yes.
Doctor says he will have to recalibrate my medicine dosage. He says instead of taking 1/4 pill per day, I have to take 1/2. I noticed he also added solian, a new medicine.
Doctor says I don’t have expression on my face and asks me to do happy, angry, and scared face, I cannot do it. I said I can do it at home but not with people. He says I also don’t have eye contact.
He also taught me deep breath relaxation technique, breathe in using nose and breath out using mouth, do for 10 to 15 times.
I asks him how many session will be needed to treat my social anxiety, he says maybe 6 months or a year.
On the way back, I facebook messaged Yin Mun saying doctor says I have no expression, she agreed and said I only seem normal when with Kar Yee and seem scared with others. I am surprised that people knew this and never tell me, I should express my emotion more.